Dreams are slowly drifting apart from me,
Tuesday, August 10, 2010.


Where am I...
I think I give up on my dreams already.
"I want to be a pianist/performer or anything to do with music that I love."
I felt this when I was young.
But now that dream is shattered... all gone. I give up.
I realised after watching on Youtube and other stuff.
How many people can play very well, much better than I.
What's more, they have so many supporters, views, fans and dunno what.
Then me, I only have... 4 or 5 likes? But anw its ok, coz I only post on facebook, frens can see only.
But still, I don't have to post my piano videos on Youtube anw, the songs can find by other talented ppl play liao.
I'll maybe get negative comments, and bring my self-esteem down to the climax.

But I already have no more self-esteem.
I really try hard everyday, to encourage myself be proud of myself, or don't look down.
I got tell myself CAN but now I have to say CANNOT.
I see a lot of people far more talented than me, a lot. Not just millions.
Then what chance have I to get my dreams? So, I guess I will never ever get to fulfil my interest.
I have to wake up! And throw that rubbish dream away!
Anw, I decided to go to JC, I won't give a shXX about music anymore.
I'll try my best to concentrate on my studies, in meantime think of a new dream possible to achieve.
For piano, i'll just play when i'm bored by myself. Maybe can sell away when older.. return my parents money! they need money anw

anw over already, Happy National Day (yesterday!) RED AND WHITE! 1 CRESCENT! 5 STARS!
I tink Singapore 45 years old already?
I din watch NDP very boring to me lor.
I haven't been studying, can't control myself from playing/slacking/watch shows.
I need to think of a life-threatening plan to force me to study, hope can think up something.
Funny thing is, prelim is coming Very soon, i tink 1 week left only.
Yet I'm so calm! I don't bother studying! The only time I "study" is do h/w!
I definitely know doing h/w isnt enuff to help, but I just cant seem to do extra.
This is when I realise, Everything I've ever tried, I cant do it.
Why?! I hate my parents, only for one reason... for giving birth to me.
They shld've aborted me or get miscarriage!!

Anw, I heard only, but not so sure its true.
When my mother was pregnant with me, my grandmother said dowan.
She said got 2 children (my elder sis and bro) Enuff already.
Wans my mom go for abortion.
But my mother rebel, she die die wanna keep me.
So, yah, I born out... If only my mother listened to my grandmother!
Go for abortion! 2 children enuff!
Anw, I oso feel left out with my sis & bro.

I feel abnormal all the time.
They talk to each other so well, I cant. I cant eventtry.
Then alot of ppl, now including they 2, into listening Korean music.
I'm not into it... I just dislike listening to korean music.
But I will say, their songs not bad, and they can sing.
Still, I'm abnormal.
If only I wasnt born, and I shld stop saying If only.
If only If only. !!!
I'm waiting for my best friend, Death to come to me.
I will embrace him/her/it with open arms happily!
(But exception that its not painful)

Anw as Ms Ihdzana told me, I cant call myself unintelligent or something.
So i wont say it.
Thats why i must say, if only i wasnt born....