I'm drawn to Bedok Reservoir, one day, you're mine.,
Tuesday, January 31, 2012.
I'm not worth anything
To those I know I'm just a fling
Trouble and chaos is all I bring
My existence is devastating

I don't deserve to live
For in me everybody don't believe
All relationships what I can't retrieve
When I leave none will grieve

The love I yearn was never there
In all aspects there was no care
I'm the worst ever beyond compare
Life is a burden I cannot bear

I endured heavily all these years
With enormous doses of sorrowed tears
My time's up for my heart received pierce
Finally I'm gone, with all my fears

Nobody likes me for they can't stand
Me to anyone else no one will recommend
The flow of my life has come to an end
It should be painless in the other land

Fare thee well
Anonymous B

2012, the year of calamity in all aspects?,
Thursday, January 26, 2012.
once again I come back here at my most aimless part of my life...

I don't understand the point of living.
Why must I study? Why must I have certificates? A Diploma? A Degree?
All to get a good job. But what's there to a job?
Everything can be answered but I can throw more questions.

I think these 3 words seem to best answer "Why am I born?"
It is "Born To Die".

If you're born with so many incorrigible aspects, I don't see how to live on.

I never get what I want, the stuff with utmost importance I mean.
Sure enough I may say I want Money, Good Grades etc.
These are actually trivial matters.
Having money and good grades does not really make you worth living.
That's my opinion...
I want the best of personality, which is impossible to obtain in my sake.
I've already tried many ways and persistently believed I can change.
It's already been over 2 years, I'm the same old bloody introvert, unfriendly, quiet, lazy, incompetent bastard.

I don't think I'm worth anybody's time/friendship/acknowledgement at all.
I may have a certain amount of talent in music, not poor, not physically disabled.
But I'd rather give them all up to those who truly need them,
and in exchange erase my existence.
Come on, I vigilantly watched my surroundings for far too long already.
I know what's what.
Turns out I'm hardly worth anything.

I can't ever get things right.. anything..
I can't achieve good grades to go to the school I want
I can't make the first move in talking to people
I can't make an effort to start a conversation
I can't make an effort to organise events
I can't create music
I can't choose the right path to walk down
I can't shape myself up be it physically/mentally/emotionally/academically
I can't, just about everything

Please God, I'm already torn down.
So just sweep the Earth & remove me & my existence from the world.
Erase Me.
Thank You & much appreciation

Birth of life - Only meant for Suffering,
Tuesday, September 6, 2011.
I never blog for 2 months already.
Always very lazy and feel like blog is really outdated already.

On to pour out, after all life sucks!

I'm so glad I'm having my Poly holiday now.
Although it's 6 weeks, I'm 100% sure it'll pass TOO QUICKLY.
In fact, this year seems to pass by pretty fast.
That's good lah, during Poly academic terms of course.
I still am not used to Poly and never will be.
Still being shunned aside, because I guess I don't fit in.
Guess one has to be very social, talented or attractive to make friends?
I'm not any of that, then I guess I am left alone.
Even though sometimes I do talk to some of the classmates, it's only temporary.
I travel alone everywhere in it all the time.

Maybe this kinda runs in the family too?
I've absolutely no friends now in Poly.
Then I complained to my brother how he so social I so unsocial.
Turns out he also in Poly no friends, only most of the time chat with sec school.
My sister also, in Uni, she only got that 1 friend, but most of the time absent!
Then I don't feel that bad already.
But still, I see so many people around me have so much fun in Poly,
I'm suffering in anguish, cause of my lack in everything.
I pray to God that the 3 years fly by at extremespeed!
Quick! I wanna go army, because Poly is like hell already.

Anyway, on Thursday last week, was TPSS teachers' day celebration.
The day before it I went to Bedok Interchange to look for stuff to get for teachers!
This time, I wanted to give to all my teachers from Sec 1 to Sec 4.
So I made 13 presents. It's just some snacks/sweets wrapped in transparent plastic,
Then I made a lil envelope card for each of the teachers.
Went back at about 9.15am I guess.
NCT, Elena, Alicia and Shirley were there, and we stood watch the concert.
It was kinda boring lah the concert. After finish NCT went off early (Ungrateful!Lol)
Elena talked to a junior for dunno how long till disappear.
Then Me Alicia and Shirley met Mdm Loh! Talked for some time.
Then Mdm Loh led me around in staff room put all my cher day gifts.

End up left gifts for HOD chers, so she told me go 3rd floor the AVA room there.
Wah there ah, got some grand party! Buffet trays outside, then inside,
Half the room occupied with dining tables, long ones, all the chers eating there.
Then the other half, got 2 table booths, for manicure, facepaint & hair services!
Then got 3 SPA BEDS also! The chers get to have facial by student helpers.
I saw Miss Koh was braiding her hair, then Miss Tan was doing manicure.
Talked to Miss Tan for some time so nice.
Later so sad Chi Ju and the rest of JC people got locked out the gate,
cause too late, luckily I ask Mrs Chng and Miss Rafidah.
They go over to the gate so nice! Then Mrs Chng called Mdm Loh and she rushed down!
Had great chat.

Later part, had a mini 4E1 gathering,
I think it was actually quite fun lah, but I was pretty tired that day,
Slept for 3hours only.
While alot of them played pool, me Marshall Manru Yushan Cindy Natasha went pasta mania eat and then slacked.
Had Cupwalker so damn nice and cheap! Tampines must have one!
Then went up pool room slack with my Mac.
Didn't bother playing pool cause I find it quite boring to play.
Then the rest went for dinner, and we all catched The Smurfs in cinema.
The show was actually great even though initially I thought it'll be too kiddy.

After that rushed off, didn't say goodbye properly cause rushing,
went to eat late dinner with Chi Ju.
The dinner sucked, but anyway great outing and great teachers day still!

Hope to have more fun outings more often...
All the best to all JC people studying their brains off!
I can feel the toughness and stress for them even though i'm not in JC.
All the best to eryone's promos!

Lil Monsters goes Gaga,
Saturday, July 23, 2011.



LIL MONSTERS & I

Never updated for a long time.
Have to keep up with any important events or complaining lol.

On 4th of July, Monday.
Singtel held a "Lil Monsters goes Gaga" event where up to 150 get to dress up Gaga-inspired outfits and get on stage perform for a panel of judges for a minute.
100 will stand a chance to win a ticket to Lady Gaga's Singtel Showcase on 7 July Thursday.

So, I die die want a ticket! So luckily at Grad Night I got my Gaga props!
I wear that go and then perform The Edge of Glory (sing only).
Luckily quite a lot of people like my dress-up!

Met a lot of fellow Lil Monsters all were so nice and supportive!
Everyone dressed and performed great too.
And the judges were so happy with the costumes and performances,
that they decided to give all who participated 2 tickets each!
That was very orgasmic and full of ecstasy! I'm so happy too I got 2 tix see Gaga.
Got interviewed like 4 times throughout the whole day.

Oh yah, and I skipped school! Even though it was Youth Day.
Poly students like me are considered adult and old and mouldy, so no Youth Day off.
But I skipped school for Gaga's sake! To queue up early, was afraid cant get in.
But it turned out well! Got to perform, and win 2 tickets unexpectedly!
Marshall & Maziyah came to support me thanks to them too!

Anw, had quite a blast then, even though I was very nervous to perform.
But was all worth it! Got to see Gaga up close!
The showcase was crazy! I love it! Gave Marshall the 1 more ticket I got.
And Gaga was so white and slutty up close! I like!
And her voice and dance as usual so powerful.
Also, she cried during her acoustic performance of Hair,
Coz all of us lil monsters sang the whole lyrics!
I love that she held her hands to her heart and cried moving tears.
Then she said "Thanks for learning the lyrics in just 4 weeks you crazy kids."

When she first came to Singapore, she like never tweet much or appear much.
So I felt as though she don't really enjoy being in Singapore.
Except that she like the food! But she wasn't very vocal about being in SG.
But after the showcase, she did voice out her positive opinion of SG!
Because she love us SG lil monsters! She was touched.

Anw, the whole week was crazy and fun and heartwarming.
Lady Gaga will most likely come back again for F1 Race concert or something,
and most importantly ,she PROMISED to come to SG for her Born This Way Ball tour!
I will save up and get the tickets!

("")("")